It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. And somewhere in between was Hash no. 488
When: April 7, 2012
Hares: 3 Dogs Fucking, Purple Penis Eater
The Pack: Lollipop Geisha, Barry An-twot-nette, Beef Curtains, P on Me, Deep Throat Steam Boat, Jessica Strap It, Big Yak Pussy Attack, Daddy’s Alarm Cock, 00 Pig Sticker, Ground and Pound, Sloppy Fourths, Wake Me-up B4 you Go-Go, Cum For Chum, Bloody Eeyore, Got A Slit Hashing, Purple Vein, Bus Buster, NN-Adam (for now), NN-Peter (for now) and other No Namers which I will refrain from naming in order to protect their identity in this story and I just dont’ know all of their names.
The *un: We started behind Onoura train station. Luckily 3 Dogs had supplied the nearby 7-11 some beer and Chu-hi for us early worms. But eventually the hares showed up with the free beer. After they were blessed and on their way, Tiny led the group in some Hash aerobics to get everyone stretched out and ready. When we started walking, Sloppy, GASH and Tiny were in the front. And as soon as they crossed a set of train tracks while still walking, the guard rails closed. This was a clever tactic used by the hares to slow the pack down. But luckily 3 of us made is across before the gates closed. The three of us took the eagle trail at the split. Soon after we were out of the neighborhood we ran by a graveyard and an intersection. GASH went to the right and called on-on. So I followed, and Cum for Chum and Ground and Pound followed as well. But when I caught up to GASH as he was crossing some twisted metal, I noticed a YBF written. I quickly pointed it out and headed the other way. This is where the fun starts. The trail went up. Up some more. And up again. Followed by more up. On trail we saw a deer fornicating with another deer. GASH and myself slowly tiptoed by it as the RA prayed for ‘no coitus interuptus’. After watching the deer we hit a beer stop where the four of us gladly took a slight break from all that uppityness. And after going up again, we saw some rope. The last time 3 Dogs put rope on a trail, it was through some hellacious shiggy and a mountain. So I knew this was a bad sign. But eventually the trail leveled out which led to a great scenic overview of the ocean and the city. Most of this eagle trail was through some pretty good shiggy, and great scenic views. I tip my hat off to 3 Dogs for picking such a great trail. Thank goodness the trail finally started going down like DTSB on a ferry. After going through miles of shiggy, the trail abruptly ended at this out of the way rest area in the woods.
Once circle started, the usual shenanigans took place. As in, nobody paid attention to BC. It was a warm day, the beer was flowing, and nobody was listening. How typical…haha. But everyone paid attention long enough for some important mile stones. 3 Dogs got his 350th headband. Holy cow he’s been here a while! Congratulations!! I don’t think any recurring hashers are close to that. Go-Go got her 175th and appropriatley had 3 Dogs tie her on. Purple Vein got her 25th. 3 great Hashers with 3 great milestones!!! Not only did we have those milestones, we had not one, but TWO namings. But as we were sending the No Namers away one decided he wanted to stay. (Like I said earlier, I am leaving names out to protect him from shame forever…hehehehe) So I think Barry gave him the hint to get the fuck away. So as we’re doing our naming stuff, he comes back looking for beer. Well, we all yelled that if he wanted beer he should have been naked. So in his drunken glee he stripped down right there, proudly showing everyone his twig and berries turning around like a model on the catwalk. DTSB made the comment ” I don’t think we should make them get naked to get beers!” lol…. So after we finally got him to get dressed, Barry threw a six pack his way and coerced him to go back down the hill. Again. So eventually we got back to the namings…. NN Peter is now known as Iji Waru Mama. But as us gaijin who aren’t proficient in Japanese, I like to say ‘your mama’. But Iji Waru Mama will be something I’ll have to learn I guess. NN Adam is now Hung Solo thanks to a small error by Tiny. Just be lucky I didn’t write one of the other names up there like “I beat Tiny”. But thanks to his boot camp drill instructors, he gave us a couple of names which we gladly picked.
So after all this crazyness, a few of us went to an Onsen down the road to wash the dirtyness, flour and beer off of us. And after the onsen, some went to Hiroshima ( I think) to help celebrate and say goodbye to a fellow hasher. Big Yak Pussy Attack will be leaving us here in a couple of days. So fart winds and swallowing seas to you Big Yak. Hope you find a kennel that isn’t as great as us. But close enough for ya to have a good time in the land of Gooey Ducks. And after googleing geoduck (Gooey Duck) I know why she likes them so much.
We also had Hash Erections nominations. BC will be sending an email out with who was nominated and instructions on how to vote. With that being said, I write this Hashtrash recap with much sadness in my heart as it is probably my last one as the official scribe….. boo hooo….sniff sniff. Unfortunately I’m leaving in July and won’t be around to fulfill any of the required lengths of mismanagement. But I’m sure you haven’t heard the last of me…… On On fellow Hashers!!!
Tiny Two Stroke